Violet

I started to write again
But all the poems just trail off before they end
I started to paint again
But none of them are finished yet
When I go to bed at night
You’re the thing in my sight
Right before I fall asleep
Dreams of you don’t seem to keep
Until morning comes awake
They don’t get me anywhere in the day
But I write them anyway
I paint the confusion away
Songs that remind me of you
Shuffle on my itunes
A playlist just for you, my friend
Songs that always send
Me into melancholy when
I wonder how things could have been
You’ll never hurt that way again
And all the things I did
They don’t matter anymore
I’m done trying to keep score
I don’t think that’s how love works
I don’t think it’s supposed to hurt
And the couch in the living room
Still smells like my perfume
The Decembers came too fast
And all those moments became the past
I’ve bled my thoughts on a page
And they brought me to better days
I started to write again
And this time the words make more sense
I started to paint again
But sometimes it’s hard to see
The picture isn’t as pretty as I want it to be
There’s an ugly streak of blood-bright red
But I don’t paint over it, instead
I add a shade of blue
The feeling I have in you
Things can’t stay this way
So I paint your blues away
And I know that there’s no way to forget
So I take a step back to see what I get
The prettiest shade of violet

A Search

Such a lonely place for us to sit and wait
Such a lonely moment and we have not begun yet
Under an amber sky we search for ways to try
To see beyond a face to that dark and bitter place
That we forever try so desperately to hide

But still I confess to a deep restlessness
A yearning I can’t seem to describe or erase
And here there is yet a deep loneliness
Something nothing so far has been able to replace

And still I confess to a deep restlessness
A search for something yet to fill the emptiness
And in moments like this even more I’m convinced
I’m not looking for someone to settle down with
I’m looking for someone to share the adventure

Twilight of Years

Heavily he walks
Burdened by memories and years
Time no longer a friend

Wearied by the life he’s led
Now drawing to its twilight
He sits, bent by experiences

Once the days were boundless
Stretching far into the sightless sky
And dreams were all before him

On he drifted through the years
Gaining wisdom and cares
Approaching the sunset

Now he sees it
Ever closer he watches it come
He is ready and he waits

Life has lined his face
Given his eyes boundless depth
Enough reasons to laugh and cry

The sun is nearly set now
Shadows play across the wall
He sits and sighs

Smiling, he sits
Burdens eased for a time
Time elapsing slowly

Now he waits for night
For the time beyond the sunset
He knows the best is yet to come

For a time his cares are gone
His burdens lightened
He watches and smiles as twilight sets in

Stay Awake

He startled awake, gathered his wits
Not yet used to 24 hour shifts
Especially in a country as strange as this
He rubbed his eyes, shook his head
Tried counting to one hundred
It wasn’t time to be done yet
He tried to continue undeterred
But his thoughts always drifted to her
Probably in a sleep disturbed
By fretful dreams while he was gone
Like every night he wished he was home
To hold her in his arms and not feel so alone
But he’d wed the army first, it had control
And it had first rights to his soul
Even the times when he’d rather let it go
He stretched his legs, a trick he’d found
Sometimes it helped to move around
The base was silent, without a sound

Stay awake
Stay awake
He chanted to himself as he kept pace
Who knew what could happen this late
Had to keep alert, stay awa…

He didn’t even hear the RPG
Until it rocketed him from sleep

She kissed his picture, turned on the light
Just like she did every night
Said a prayer that he’d be all right
He’d said he’d call her tonight from the combat zone
She glanced once more at the phone
Why wasn’t he calling-was something wrong?
She tried to calm herself from wild beliefs
It was the army, she knew there was no relief
The only thing it guaranteed was grief
Sometimes she really hated being army strong
Because it kept him away for so long
Always worrying, hoping nothing went wrong

Stay awake
Stay awake
She rarely stayed up so late
And when he’d call was anyone’s guess
So her head dropped to her chest
Just a few minutes to give her eyes a rest
But she couldn’t go to sleep, had to stay awa…

Through his pain, he tried to sound reassuring
By the time she got the message, it was morning

She wiggled away from her again
As her mom tried tucking her into bed
“Daddy’s coming home!” she said
Her mom laughed and kissed her
She knew how much Daddy missed her
“He’ll be in really late, sweetie,” she whispered
She turned her night light on low
And she ran over to the window
Tried to see to the driveway below
Was he here yet, had he come?
When was Daddy finally gonna be home?

Stay awake
Stay awake
She tried thinking of all the memories they’d make
All the trips all together they’d take
She had to see him, stay awa…

She startled from sleep by a sound
Ran out the door to look around
And saw something that made her heart pound
Daddy was standing at the foot of the stairs
And not all of him was there
But he looked up and said, “Hey, little bear”
And she launched herself into his waiting arms
He held her close, he was still so strong
Everything was right where it belonged
“What are you doing up so late?”
She hugged him tightly, said, “I wanted to wait
To make sure you’d come home safe
I had to stay awake”

18 Hours

Red eye flight, 15 hours long
He leaned his head against the seat
Only a few minutes into the trip
And his heart was already skipping a beat

Stewardess came around later
Pushing her cart up and down the aisle
Asked if he needed anything
He shook his head and gave her a smile

Passenger beside him leaned forward
Asked, “Where you headed to, soldier?”
He closed his eyes for a moment
“I’m going home,” he told her

“Coming back from active duty?”
She gently touched his sleeve
He smiled, shook his head and said,
“This time just a 2 day leave.”

She looked surprised as she said
“Then what are you doing on this flight?
You’ll only have 18 hours home.”
He said, “I’ll be with my family for a night.”

“My wife just had a baby,
A beautiful little girl.
And it’s our third anniversary
I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world.”

“I know it probably seems crazy
But I’ll do everything in my power,
38 hours on a plane
To see my family for those few hours.”

Passenger shook her head in disbelief
“I’ll admit, in some ways it does
But guys like you deserve the most
To be with the ones you love.”

15 hours later, they touched down
She smiled and said, “It was a pleasure to meet you.
Enjoy your time with your family
And thank you for all that you do.”

They shook hands and parted ways
He went to the gate, his gait had a spring
He had 18 hours with his wife and daughter
And he didn’t want to miss a thing.

Letter from a Soldier to an Old Friend

Dear friend,
I got your letter
Thanks for it—
How’ve you been?

Since basic
Things are better
I’ve been in Iraq since
I don’t know when

Haven’t seen you
In a long time
Hope everyone’s
Doing well

As for me
I’m doing fine
Got some metal in me
From a shell

Heard the news
You tied the knot
Couldn’t believe it
Congratulations

Wish I’d known then
Maybe could’ve got
Leave from where
I am stationed

Thanks for the words
Of confidence
You don’t know
What they mean

People are pissed
It doesn’t make sense
Like I’m fighting
This war for me

Someone asked me
Just the other day
Why the hell I’m here
Why I fight

You know I didn’t
Know what to say
Nothing I do
Ever comes out right

I often ask myself
Why I’m here
Losing my humanity
To this war

So I try not to think
Or dwell on the fear
And just push forward
When I’m unsure

I wouldn’t choose
To pick a fight
With people who hate
Us like they do

This whole thing
May not be right
So for your support
I thank you

Sometimes I wish
It could have worked
Thought we should have
Tried again

But it’s for the best
Even though it hurts
And I’m glad I have you
For a friend

Damn, things change
Can’t keep up
Just gotta hold on
Hope for the best

When things over
Here get rough
I think of you
My comfort in this mess

Whatever happens
I hope you know
I’m grateful for friends
And support, too

And whatever way
That this war goes
I’m not fighting for freedom
I’m fighting for you

Take Me Away

Everything I was holding onto
Has been ripped right from my hands
No words to describe, none to say
None to help me understand

Take me away
Take me away
Far from this place and my pain
I don’t have words to say
Words to say
To make it on my own
Take me away

Now there is nothing between us
It’s just you and you are all
Nowhere else to hide
You’re all I have to fall

Take me away
Take me away
Into a place free from pain
No reason to stay
Reason to stay
I’m left here all alone
Take me away

So now you know just who I am
And all the things I wish I could be
Do my failures drive you further
Away—can you love me?

You promised me a safe place
Where I can go and shouldn’t fear
You’re waiting there, waiting there
You’ll wash away my tears

Take me away
Take me away
To the place you have made
Don’t be afraid
I’m not afraid
To share my wounded soul
Take me away

Take me away
Take me away
And right here I’ll always stay
I know I am safe
I am safe
No fears or shame haunt me
You took them away

I am free