White Scraps of Paper

She tangles her necklace around her fingers

And her heart on the cuff of her sleeve

Curling cold hands around warm mugs

Because she wants so badly to believe

In that moment when your face lights up

When your soldier surprises you coming home

And the wellspring inside can’t hold it back

And you voluntarily give up all the emotions you own

She wants to believe in sweet, innocent kisses

Stolen shyly in the pouring rain once years ago

She wants to believe in that true love first time feeling

And not be afraid to let those feelings show

She runs down long and winding back roads

Trying to outstrip some long-held fears

Running hands over a made-up face to feel

If it’s still wet from rain or from tears

She untangles words from clenched teeth

And unravels plans like spools of thin thread

Dresses in lace for no good reason, no one sees

Puckers lips for lipstick in shades of bright red

From these bright lips fly blessings and curses

Fingers retrace the outlines of old sunken scars

She wrestles for ownership of five years she lost

Even as she whispers, “Come back and touch my heart”

She makes plans with boys she will never love

And secretly wonders if he ever thinks about her

Closes her eyes and her mind to times slipped by

Slips her hand over the lace and wonders

She bites her tongue to hold back fears

Confessions, accusations, and secret thoughts

Written on endless scraps of white paper

Hidden in the days when she knows she can’t

Hear them, written longingly in the dark