I did not send your letter

I wrote you a letter
things I want to say to you
thoughts I cannot voice
except on blank white sheets
safe here where you can't see
so many things you never knew
but wish I could bring myself
to say to you face-to-face
I wrote them in a letter
one I knew I would not send
but I cannot bear to throw it out
I wrote you a letter
because you never knew
how thoughts of you when I'm here
help to pull me through
I run your words through my head
wonder how many of them you meant
and if you ever realized
how much they meant to me
I told you in a letter
how much I think of you
folded, addressed, and stamped
so you would know I care
But I did not send your letter

know this

A drunk text at one a.m.

Too little too late to meet again

Still we say see you soon, not goodbye

Never was gonna be another try

Note and picture left at your door

Can’t say it doesn’t matter anymore

It always did and you needed to know

At least had to say it before I go

You were always a for now, not forever

There are lives out there for us that are better

But I can’t live with what I can’t say

Regret is so much harder, anyway

Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again

Who can say where, if ever, and when

Life’s crazy and hard but it goes on

And we’ll never understand it til we’re gone

But you should know you mattered to me

The way you laugh, work, play, and bleed

It’s not enough and never will be

Stay here for a minute and, damn it, tell me

Tell me I mattered to you, even just for a while

I don’t care if you mean it, go ahead—lie

4 a.m., your last text came in

Said sorry I didn’t get to see you again

My flight’s coming in and there’s no time left

When I get back, you’ll be long gone, I suspect

But before we say goodbye, see you soon, whatever

I’ll whisper this because I can’t hang on forever

You were never mine, I get it, I know

But if I never told you so,

Believe me when I tell you this:

Whatever the time, whatever the distance,

Of all the different lives we lead,

You were always my favorite dream