we love who we love

it is becoming
clearer to me now
as time goes on
and I make
the same mistakes
we don't get to choose
who we love in this life
we just do and then
try to replace
the pieces they take

my salvation

don't pray for the salvation
of my soul
wondering where I'll go
when I die
rather
pray for my salvation
from you
for I have loved you
for a while now
and cannot for
the love of God
understand why

only you

It seems really unfair

that you carved out

a spot in my stone heart

and sat in it long enough

to smooth the edges

And then you left

and now there is a hole

perfectly shaped

so only you

can fill it

words you never said

I never saw it coming

until I looked over at you then

and saw the look in your eyes

it caught me by surprise

and I didn't know what to say

you wore everything you felt

plain on your face

I didn’t know you felt this way

and you opened your mouth

to let the words come out,

“I love—”

but I panicked and said,

“Don’t say it”

and you listened

and just let the words

slip away

my heart beat violently then

inside of my chest

because we both know

it’s for the best in the end

you can’t take back

words you never said

how you know you love someone

You can break me

You know exactly how to do it

know exactly the tender places

the weak ones

the places of me

that aren't all shored up

You know how far to push

and where

You know how hard to hit

to draw blood and tears

You can take this strong body

and tear it apart

with words and blows and meanings

throwing the pieces

so far apart

I’ll never be whole again

You can break me

you know all the ways

to make me fall

when I’m vulnerable

soft and scared

because you’ve seen me these ways

And because of this

I know that I love you

because you can break me

utterly destroy me

But you won’t

no, you hand me a hammer

and some nails, instead

and say, “Let’s build”