Cigarettes

I watch you quietly
Hoping you won’t see
Hoping you don’t realize
The things you do to me
The smell of cigarettes
Lingers in my head
A faint taste on my tongue
A taste I can’t forget
I had never felt like this
I watched you from a distance
Wondering if you felt it too
If you ever wished this
I always knew you were a bad idea
But one I couldn’t shake
The darkest of my dreams at night
I wanted you to be my sweet mistake
But I know you won’t be mine
It’s nothing but an empty wish
No matter how I might try
It will never be different than it is
I know it’s all a pretty lie
But one I won’t regret
So I drown in your fleeting touch
And the smell of cigarettes

Write For You

I want to know your story
Because I want to know you
Everything about who you are
The only thing I can do
Is write you onto my mind
Where you’ll always stay
I don’t know how to unravel
You and why I feel this way
So I write you on a page
And make your story come alive
Your story isn’t mine to tell
Until I make it my own inside
I know there are parts of you
That I will never know
I will never make it all the way
To the depths of your soul
So leave your taste on my tongue
To linger a little longer
The only thing I have
The rest of you I only hunger
As I write you into my life
Making you a part of me
The closest I will ever be
So empty, so contrived
Further still I fall
But writing you onto my heart
Is better than not having you
At all

Lost

On this bridge, this unknown ground
I set my sights across
For what has brought me here I've found
All who wander here are lost
A steeping slope, a gaping chasm
Swallowing me whole, so wide
A depth so great I cannot fathom
So far to the other side
Criss-cross of footprints behind the way
That has led me to this empty place
Strewn of broken pieces I had gone astray
Tears trail the road and my face
Another dead end and I have met my fate
Another way with nowhere to go
Have I given up all I thought to make
To fail at the ending of this road?
Point of no return I have arrived
And my fear, I cannot ignore it
All the ways I would contrive
Fall apart, there's nothing for it
Forward, ever on ahead
Taking the pieces I have carried
Of who I am and will be yet
Not here, not ever have I tarried
On this bridge, this unknown ground
There is only way one across
And in crossing I have found
I am ever a seeker, I am not lost...

Violet

I started to write again
But all the poems just trail off before they end
I started to paint again
But none of them are finished yet
When I go to bed at night
You’re the thing in my sight
Right before I fall asleep
Dreams of you don’t seem to keep
Until morning comes awake
They don’t get me anywhere in the day
But I write them anyway
I paint the confusion away
Songs that remind me of you
Shuffle on my itunes
A playlist just for you, my friend
Songs that always send
Me into melancholy when
I wonder how things could have been
You’ll never hurt that way again
And all the things I did
They don’t matter anymore
I’m done trying to keep score
I don’t think that’s how love works
I don’t think it’s supposed to hurt
And the couch in the living room
Still smells like my perfume
The Decembers came too fast
And all those moments became the past
I’ve bled my thoughts on a page
And they brought me to better days
I started to write again
And this time the words make more sense
I started to paint again
But sometimes it’s hard to see
The picture isn’t as pretty as I want it to be
There’s an ugly streak of blood-bright red
But I don’t paint over it, instead
I add a shade of blue
The feeling I have in you
Things can’t stay this way
So I paint your blues away
And I know that there’s no way to forget
So I take a step back to see what I get
The prettiest shade of violet

A Search

Such a lonely place for us to sit and wait
Such a lonely moment and we have not begun yet
Under an amber sky we search for ways to try
To see beyond a face to that dark and bitter place
That we forever try so desperately to hide

But still I confess to a deep restlessness
A yearning I can’t seem to describe or erase
And here there is yet a deep loneliness
Something nothing so far has been able to replace

And still I confess to a deep restlessness
A search for something yet to fill the emptiness
And in moments like this even more I’m convinced
I’m not looking for someone to settle down with
I’m looking for someone to share the adventure

Twilight of Years

Heavily he walks
Burdened by memories and years
Time no longer a friend

Wearied by the life he’s led
Now drawing to its twilight
He sits, bent by experiences

Once the days were boundless
Stretching far into the sightless sky
And dreams were all before him

On he drifted through the years
Gaining wisdom and cares
Approaching the sunset

Now he sees it
Ever closer he watches it come
He is ready and he waits

Life has lined his face
Given his eyes boundless depth
Enough reasons to laugh and cry

The sun is nearly set now
Shadows play across the wall
He sits and sighs

Smiling, he sits
Burdens eased for a time
Time elapsing slowly

Now he waits for night
For the time beyond the sunset
He knows the best is yet to come

For a time his cares are gone
His burdens lightened
He watches and smiles as twilight sets in